“This is a story about control,” says Janet Jackson in her coming-of-age single about taking responsibility for her own life’s decisions. Among other things, it’s her declaration and acceptance of the consequences of her choices. Entering a relationship with God through Christ is an independent decision. It is our choice, yet it doesn’t guarantee us the kind of CONTROL of which Ms. Jackson was singing. 

Choosing to love in actuality is a story about giving up control. It is a journey filled with uncertainty even when a wise decision has been made. Wedding vows often try to encompass the dyads of unpredictability of loving relationships: in sickness/health, plenty/want, joy/sorrow… you get the point. 

The young Jackson doesn’t realize that living out love requires a degree of surrender to the uncertainty and our inability to control it all. Instead, a choice of love is a surrendering of our will to be co-mingled with that of another. It is a sobering thought. Loving requires the relinquishing of ‘total’ control. Despite this truth, I join Janet’s liberating declaration for control with a twist. Choose to love in the face of uncertainty. Decide to love through uncertainty even when the path ahead is unclear or illogical. I found love later in life and did not have the naivety of an illusion of control. Instead, I entered marriage knowing that love is a choice to surrender a little control and trusting God to guide my decisions.